How to get a second date
‘How to get a second date?’ Is a question I get very often. Many singles get first dates regularly but rarely get a second date. The reason is usually because there wasn’t enough chemistry on the first date. So how do you get more chemistry?
Enjoy the date itself, Don’t have an agenda. Chemistry can only happen between two humans, robots don’t have chemistry. So the more we are ‘human’ in our interaction and the less we are ‘robots’ the better chance we have for chemistry. When we have an ‘agenda’ we adjust our interaction towards that agenda. Just like a salesperson controls his or her interaction to lead towards a sale – the person who has an agenda on the first date will calculate his or her interaction to reach towards their goal. Calculated interactions is what robots do; the less we calculate our interaction (even subconsciously) the more we are being ourselves. So don’t go to the date trying to make the other person to like you or trying to get another date; don’t even go to get to know the other person – just go to enjoy the time together and the activity you’re doing together – let nature do the rest.
Take the date lightly, it’s not that important. If you think the date is so important that you can’t screw it up – you put too much pressure on yourself and you get too nervous. You also become afraid to say anything wrong which further hurts the flow of the conversation. Go out on more dates so that you are not do desparate on each date. Remember that you know very little about your date and even if it appears to be a really good ‘catch’ you couldn’t possibly know enough yet to make that decision.
Talk about yourselves and your experiences – not about ‘stuff’. Chemistry happens when people talk (and listen!) to each other about themselves not about random topics like the weather. Ask about your date’s experiences not about details and when you talk about yourself share experiences not details. Whichever topic comes up in conversation make sure to avoid going into details; instead, focus on how you (or your date) relate to that topic. So if your date brings up a city they grew up in or visited, ask about their personal experiences in that city rather than random details about that city. Same when you talk about yourself, it’s ok to say how much you like that restaurant, but focus on what makes the experience special for you rather than technical details about that restaurant.
Open up to each other. The key to chemistry is inside us, it’s not a logical decision but rather a feeling of strong connection and synergy. The more you and your date open up to each other the more you have a chance to feel that chemistry. Make sure that the level of sharing matches the level of connection you have. Sharing personal stories doesn’t have to be sharing intimate stories. It can be experiences that touched you in one way or another and anecdotes stories that mean a lot to you. When you share some of your own feelings and emotions your date is most likely to follow and do the same.
So if you’re getting first dates but can’t get second dates, the issue is probably not your follow-up, it’s probably lack of chemistry on your first date. If you follow those simple four guidelines, you’ll have chemistry and your date will come back for more.